How Infertility Can Rob Intimacy

Hey there my infertility warriors, Andi here and today I want to talk about something that I think we need to chat a bit more about. It’s how infertility can rob so much out of a marriage and relationship. I’m going to dive into ways we can reconnect with our spouses and tips to enhance our intimacy through this infertility journey, read on!

According to research, couples who don’t have a baby after fertility treatments are three times more likely to get divorced or break up than those that do conceive. The feeling of loneliness, financial strain, and stress that can come with infertility takes its toll on a marriage. Don’t allow these stats to dictate your future with your significant other or spouse. I believe, with a strong relationship mixed with faith, communication, support, love and honestly, you can get through anything as a couple. Even in the hardest most darkest times. I’ve been there. Read more Fertility posts here!

Your Relationship Matters

Infertility is hard, there is no doubt. When you’re going through treatments, and back to back office visits this can put a strain in your relationship dynamics. It might had been fun and lighthearted before “trying” and now it seems like all you talk about is fertility everything with your significant other, robbing the joy of everyday moments as a couple. Infertility isn’t just a women’s issue, it’s a couple’s issue that’s more common than you think. About 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility, and men contribute to 50 percent of infertility cases. Remember that “feeling” of when you first met, those butterflies? Everything seemed perfect, you didn’t know that this journey was going to strip away little by little, your marriage.

How To Take It Back

ake it a priority to be aware of the journey you’re both on. Talk about how it’s affecting each other and talk about your feelings. Make “date night” a plan in your schedule to carve out time just for the two of you. Or take a walk together outdoors. There’s something refreshing about being in nature, it has helped me and my husband tremendously just to clear our minds and chat about memories, the future and more.

Don’t be afraid to seek support. Find a professional faith based couples counselor that can help guide the both of you and talk openly about the grief and hardship infertility has put on the both of you. And lastly yet not least, remind each other daily how much you love each other and that your marriage wasn’t built solely on how successful you both would be when it comes to conceiving a child.

Intimacy Matters

Ladies, it’s that time of month again, doesn’t it feel sometimes like trying during your fertile time is a “business transaction”? The entire act of sex itself isn’t beautiful, tender or natural..it has turned into a timed, lifeless, get to work attitude. Men and women, the intimacy of not only physical but emotional has taken a huge back seat. Infertility has a way of robbing this, and I believe this is crucial to a couples healthy habits of staying connected and emotionally on the same page, and I’m not just talking about sex.

Infertility has a way of sneaking in between true intimacy and becoming the center of your life. You lose the organic connection you once had with your partner and start to  see each-other as tired, frustrated, and stressed. All of this drives disconnection impacting increased depression, anxiety and negative self-esteem. Sounds sexy right? Its not.

How to get Reconnected

Praying together is one of the most intimate acts a couple can share. It might seem very uncomfortable at first and it will require some vulnerability on both your parts, but I believe it will do wonders to build your faith and build your marriage. I don’t know about you but when my husband and I pray together or read a book together, it brings the intimacy of us as a couple together immediate, it’s refreshing and soothes my spirit..and to me, its sexy!

Spend more time together.
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another. Hebrews 10:25

Hide your fertility books, baby books, sign off social for a few days or weeks! Stop checking your ovulation and try being intimate outside of your fertile window. It may seem weird and scary to do this, as if you’re taking a vacation from your full time job, which is sorta of feels like that sometimes doesn’t it? But we all need breaks, and so does your fertility journey, it’s necessary for the both of you. Go on a mini vacation together, get a way for a bit. Little by little, lightening up the pressure of constantly in the fertility cloud will allow some sunshine back into the intimacy of your relationship.

Be honest and talk about your feelings together, even if it makes you uncomfortable By being open and honest with each-other we can go closer to our spouse.

Dark Places

If you have reached a point of what you feel is more than sadness but a deep depression from infertility. Please do not handle this on your own. Tell your spouse what youre feeling, share with a family member or close friend. Please reach out for counseling. I know the overwhelm that infertility and the grief that can overtake your heart and mind, believe me I have had very scary dark days that I didn’t even feel like myself. Through the tears and udder disappoint, I always picked up scripture to remind me of who I am. I am a child of God, I am worth more than my fertility, I have so many blessings, and that Jesus shows up for me even if it doesn’t feel like it. Even if it feels like the world is moving right by you, all the couple are achieving milestones while you’re left behind, completely heartbroken and beat up. I GET IT, I HAVE BEEN HERE. Please, I want you to know your marriage is fixable, its worth saving, you can get the love back you once had before and the connection. I know it seems impossible right now but remember your vows to each other and don’t give up on each other.

I love this Bible Verse below, infertility can bring a lot of pain, hiccups, changes and sadness into our marriage. When these hurtful moments happen, we need to stop, be aware what is happening and lean into scripture. Remember, no marriage is perfect, no person is perfect. We all fall short.

Ephesians 4:32:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.